cuda: Tugging on his belt. (Jack and Cas in blue jeans)
This makes one week without the tumblr app. I made a couple necessary posts to keep up with previous commitments, but overall it hasn't been hard at all to avoid tumblr. In fact, I feel more motivated to write and the internal critic has been bothering me less while I'm working.

I still have commitments there, and friendships I value and want to keep. I think that it's critically important for me to limit my time on tumblr to just the evening, when I have my laptop on, in the same way and for many of the same reasons that I have all of my alcohol stored in a cabinet that can only be reached via stepstool. Easy access is a bad thing for me in both cases.

It's been a breath of fresh air to go tumblr-free. And the weather has finally started improving. Things are - in cautious estimation - looking up.
cuda: An Orange Cuda (Default)
So this requires backstory, but I'm participating in my third art gallery showing this year! I promise there will be backstory eventually.

Anyway, I've had some okay luck with selling prints and original artwork pieces. Through the gallery I've also taken and completed my first ever professional commission, which wasn't a bad experience as I've heard (and seen) commissions go for other folks. I don't think I'll be doing that very often though for the stress factor.

I'm hiding in my studio for the moment, just to catch my breath. It's been a really, really busy day and kind of a frantic week, but I have Friday off and [personal profile] amberdark and I are headed out of town for the weekend. Hopefully I can get some of my writing done... I have a piece I really really want to get to a stopping point tonight so I can submit it for SuperWhoLock the Comic's Fanwork Friday.

Damn, just had a weird moment of deja vu.

On the plus side, I made some really delicious cider for the gallery tour, and got a gorgeous chocolate cupcake with a cookie dough ball inside. 
cuda: An Orange Cuda (Default)
 On tumblr hiatus, indefinitely. That shit's making me crazy. Uninstalled my tumblr app tonight, which will at least save me a chunk of data plan to use somewhere else. If I can get back to a normal level of self worth and confidence in my own writing, I'll go back.
cuda: An Orange Cuda (Default)
I'm going to at least halfheartedly try blogging again.

Back in the old, busy days of Livejournal, I blogged because I needed to. I was still living with my parents, struggling to understand my sexuality, and hiding all of my interests from ridicule. I won't say I'm 100% better, but I do have different priorities. Positive encouragement has done a great job of helping me be more open about who I am and what I like. So I don't necessarily need a secret place to go pour all of my bottled-up self anymore.

But it would be nice to write every day again. Just re-establishing the habit of writing regularly could help me get past some major stumbling blocks in my fiction. Besides just sitting down and writing the damn fiction already.

So here goes. I will be checking DW more regularly while the SPN/TW kink meme is going on, which means I'll remember this is here. With any luck I'll have a little habit established again soon.

The other thing about blogging here is that content is relatively easy to lock down, in as much as anything on the internet ever is. It's more time-consuming for someone to take my posts here, add their own opinion or condemnation, and spread them. Tumblr, unfortunately, reinforced the belief that I needed to keep things hidden unless I was prepared to let everyone have a venue to come at me. Don't get me wrong, I still like Tumblr, but I'd like to have a little more control over my personal content than I do there. I'd also like to engage more in dialog rather than have people I don't know talk AT me, in a venue that makes it almost impossible to respond without feeling like I'm just trying to get more attention.

Meh.

So, blog.
cuda: (exercise fail)
I'm trying to take completely nonsensical concepts from Minecraft and turn them into some sort of mythos with underlying reasons that I can apply to this fic in order to write myself out of a corner.

Clearly I need to go to bed.

Because really. Minecraft.

In other news, will be posting my SuperWho Big Bang fic soon! It's already all posted under super secret journal lock, I've just got to go through and add all the bells and whistles. It's certainly going up on Ao3 afterward.
cuda: Sam and Dean from Supernatural (what?)
Every night for weeks, I hear the next door neighbor railing at someone over the phone. I can't tell if it's the same person or different people, but it's always the same aggressive, loud, Baptist minister lecturing.

And you know, it's not the noise that bothers me. I could knock on the wall or just put my headphones on, which I do. It's more about the fact that this guy has some reason to rail at someone every night for weeks. It's got to be exhausting and internally upsetting to be that angry all the time.

I'm so glad to be back in my apartment, though. I'm also really glad I cleaned, because I came home to an empty sink and a nice clean floor. I was able to say hello to the furry land sharks (aka the cats), clean their box and then curl up on the couch with my laptop without a shred of guilt for undone projects. The apartment still does need some spot work, but on the whole, not too shabby!

Oh and, I've started using my tumblr again. I ditched its original purpose, and now I'm using it to blog/reblog .gifs and graphics and ficbits just like everybody else. If you're interested, I'm over here. Any and all are welcome! It's definitively Supernatural/Torchwood/SuperWho flavored, just FYI.

9200 words into my SuperWho Big Bang! I'm getting there! I may squeak by if I get my shoulder to the wheel this week. More importantly than the word count, the plot is diagrammed out. So hopefully I won't get too lost.

It's ALIVE!

Nov. 2nd, 2011 05:36 pm
cuda: (jensen and zebra)
My laptop is FIXED! Good grief, they replaced the motherboard, the video card, AND the display! As in the frigging monitor! On the plus side, it runs The Endless Forest now, which I am very very excited for, having been mostly cut off from my deer since I purchased this laptop.

Did I mention I'm posting from it right now? I'm posting from it right now.

I am so happy to have all my Castiel wallpapers back. And my RP notes. And my graphics. And Photoshop. And Minecraft. Yeeeeeeeee!

For linkspam - go visit cakewrecks.com. Although I will warn you that some of these cakes can be very disturbing, on the whole they're hilarious. I am completely untrained and I could do a better job with these cakes than the people who're supposedly trained to decorate.
cuda: (boys on the impala)
Ao3 bookmarks are cool. I know I'm not the only person who knows this, I'm sure everyone does, because my favorite thing to do after checking through the stories of someone who commented on my stuff and/or left a kudo, is to go through their bookmarks and see what they like.

The problem with Ao3 bookmarks? They're underutilized! At least in my opinion!

They give me that little space to write a paragraph about what I love about the story, I am totally gonna do it. I love that I can bookmark a story for later, and then go back and edit the bookmark to include some actual content when I have a minute. I bookmark things as much to get other people to maybe read them as to be able to find them later, plus I had a blast during my brief stint as a movie review writer for a friend's local news blog.

I strive never to be spoilery, either about the story or about canon, but to try and write something magnetic enough to convince someone - maybe even someone outside the fandom - to come in and give it a read.

Dunno, may be the marketing viewpoint that's been practically knocked into my head over the years from my job. Whatever the reason, I frakkin' love it. It's great, low-energy fun for me, especially when I'm frustrated and stuck on a story of my own and need a break.

In less happy news - my new computer is currently in the repair shop, and has been thus since Monday. ARGH. PRAYING I get a phonecall from them soon, or else I'm going to be calling them Monday. I mean, I have a backup, but I have not been able to do much of anything other than work on stories and surf the net because it's just not fast enough. Hence my blog looking funny. I'm working on a kickass Castiel/Jack Harkness header, but unfortunately, Photoshop is on the OTHER computer.

In MORE happy news - we finally know what the Head Crab was! It was an abnormal blood vessel. I had my six-week followup on Tuesday, and today I had one final test done for neurosurgery: a precautionary MRA to map the circulation in my brain and make sure everything is working okay, post-surgery. I'm actually relieved to have that done, even though they had to stick an IV in my arm. Good grief, I am so sick of IVs. But at least they had it out in less than an hour.

Got a followup appointment with the ophthalmology department in December, and then hopefully I'll be able to start driving again. This whole 'no driving because you had a seizure' business is just utter shit, let me tell you. I'm an independent critter, I hate having to ask for help and rely on other people to show up when they say they will to pick me up. On the plus side, as a means to avoid unnecessary calls for rides, I've been walking my happy ass to things a lot more. I'm in a bad location for walking to shopping centers, but I can definitely go post a letter without any help.

Heh, who wants a letter? I'd write you! I've got a blue mailbox to walk to now!
cuda: An Orange Cuda (Default)
Seriously, it is.

I'm alive.

I have a plate of nonferrous surgical metal installed in my head, and I have looked down the barrel, but I'm home in my apartment and I'm not in much pain, and once I can get off the worst of these jittery meds I'm going to hit the world with as much force again as it will let me hit it.

Because I'm alive.

In September I'll be able to watch Season 7 of Supernatural. As soon as Fast Five hits the stores in DVD form I can buy it. I'll be able to go to Fast Six (or whatever they call it) when it's in theaters. I'll be able to complete this fanfic of doom that I've been working on for months, and post it where everyone can see just how insane I am for even thinking this thing. [personal profile] amberdark is gonna be able to finish reading me Jim Butcher's latest Harry Dresden novel, and I'll find out what happens to his apprentice Molly.

On Thursday, surgeons opened my skull to remove a mass from the left rear lobe that was bleeding and caused me to black out in my car (thankfully in park). My head's been shaved, I have a really hellacious set of sutures on the left rear side of my head, and I have bruises on my arms from a half dozen IV lines. And I can't tell you how grateful I am to be able to look at them, and know they're going to go away, and my hair will grow back, and those stitches will come out in three weeks. And I can read. The medications are finally lessened enough that the words on the page are steady and I can both type and read.

I am going to blog in detail about a lot of the things that happened last week, just because I don't want to forget them. But I'm home in my apartment, and if I have anything to say about it, I will be absolutely fine.

Look out world.

You guys, everyone who commented here, everyone who gave me a thought? You rule. I can't even begin to find the words to say how much I noticed and appreciate and care, but hopefully as, you know, day three and four and five and six keeps passing and I'm still frigging here, oh my good grief yes still here, I'll find some better ones to let you know.

Update

Aug. 23rd, 2011 10:03 am
cuda: An Orange Cuda (Default)
Things are quite a bit more positive than they were a few days ago. They took out my IV, which is a good sign. I'm currently taking an anti-seizure medication and a steroid to minimize the swelling in my brain. I don't know if I mentioned it before but the upshot of the anti-seizure medication is that I can potentially get a variation of anti-seizure meds that will also help control future migraines.

I'm not sure what's coming up next. All of the tests they've done so far have indicated that if there is a mass in my brain (it could be a couple things) it's metastatic, which is good because it means I don't have spreading cancer. This is all a lot to process, and I'm doing my best to be clear and concise, but, kind of... well... the whole thing boils down to the fact that I had a seizure in my car on Friday afternoon and nobody's really sure why, exactly.

I can't drive for six months. We're going to do some looking into that, to see exactly what that entails and if I can potentially at least get a work permit if I'm on the anti-seizure meds, because I'm going to hate being beholden to people for rides to work. We'll also have to see what post-hospital stay procedure is. It's a ways from over, but it's possible that they'll be sending me home today.

I can't tell you how good it feels to write.
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