Cuda

I remember being in a fandom where the majority of people who had a favorite romantic pair were either in direct conflict with the one I liked, or pretended the characters I liked didn't exist. I learned to happily play in my sandbox for the sake of play, not to be considered right, or canon. I had ideas to write. That's what I'm doing now, even though the majority of the fans from the two series I like to mash together would probably look at me and go "Wait, what?"

Maybe that's why I don't get this huge schism between fans in the Supernatural fandom. I'm relatively new to the fandom side of the show, although well before I watched said show I certainly heard about it. I knew that SPN had a reputation for crazy fans. That didn't deter me from the show, and it won't deter me from writing fanfiction, making fanart, and baking delicious pies for episode premiers. But it does concern me, just because I don't understand why it happens so often.

Why's everybody so concerned about being right? Are we all so insecure about what we like that we have to be awful to one another just to justify it?

I have had largely good experiences with most of my fandoms. Most of the time, everyone is just happy that there were other fans to gabble at.

But geez, Supernatural fandom. Maybe it's cool for Dean to be rude, but it is not cool for you guys to be so rude to each other.

I'm sure I'm not the only person looking at my fandom with bewilderment. I know I can't be the only person to have said things like this. I just wish everyone would take a step back from their computers and realize that all the nastiness does is perpetuate the stereotype - that Supernatural fans are crazy, and you don't want to get involved with that fandom, because they'll eat you alive or make you as crazy as they are.

I want us to be known as good crazy. As, you know, Misha Collins, adorably goofy crazy. Not 'diss my ship and I will kick your ass across the Internet' crazy.

Oh, what the hell. I'll go hang out with the SuperWho folks some more. They're a pretty nice bunch.

Every night for weeks, I hear the next door neighbor railing at someone over the phone. I can't tell if it's the same person or different people, but it's always the same aggressive, loud, Baptist minister lecturing.

And you know, it's not the noise that bothers me. I could knock on the wall or just put my headphones on, which I do. It's more about the fact that this guy has some reason to rail at someone every night for weeks. It's got to be exhausting and internally upsetting to be that angry all the time.

I'm so glad to be back in my apartment, though. I'm also really glad I cleaned, because I came home to an empty sink and a nice clean floor. I was able to say hello to the furry land sharks (aka the cats), clean their box and then curl up on the couch with my laptop without a shred of guilt for undone projects. The apartment still does need some spot work, but on the whole, not too shabby!

Oh and, I've started using my tumblr again. I ditched its original purpose, and now I'm using it to blog/reblog .gifs and graphics and ficbits just like everybody else. If you're interested, I'm over here. Any and all are welcome! It's definitively Supernatural/Torchwood/SuperWho flavored, just FYI.

9200 words into my SuperWho Big Bang! I'm getting there! I may squeak by if I get my shoulder to the wheel this week. More importantly than the word count, the plot is diagrammed out. So hopefully I won't get too lost.

Ahhhhh! There is a Yuletide gift! On my Ao3 page! But I cannot see inside it!

*shakes it vigorously*

...

*pokes it*

I just gotta show this off.

Lookit this icon.

/stupid proud of herself.

Well, thanks, Mediacom. I pay way too much for your service, and there are only two shows I ask you hopefully to air every week. NCIS, and Supernatural.

And you preempt Supernatural tonight with high school football championships.

HIGH SCHOOL.

The only people who are going to want to watch this in the first place are the parents of these players, and they'll be at the GAME. And furthermore, who really wants to spend thirty minutes watching you name off coaches. Seriously. Every effing coach in the damn state.

So thanks, Mediacom. Thanks for thinking of me, and the bill I pay every month, when you decided that some podunk local sports shindig was a higher priority. I'm so glad you care so much about this area's collective health, that you make sure and air boring bullshit so we'll all go outside and play. Because that's why you did it, right? Right? Right.

*lip curl*

Finally got my journal header made. I was going to put words on it, but there's just no words right for it, so I'll let it stand.

Kind of a quiet, melancholy night.

It's getting close to Yuletide fandom nomination time!

I'm not sure how I feel about Fast & Furious being on the ineligible fandoms list. It was getting to be a tradition with me to nominate Sahara, F&F, and Top Gun every year, and I liked my tradition. *wry*

But you know what? On the other hand, *sniff* it means our baby's grown up. It means that our fandom's big enough to not be rare. And at the same time, while I haven't scoped all of my fandom, I can say that my exposure to this corner of it has been positive. Friendly, welcoming people and damn good writers with the kind of thoughtful commentary and thirst for details I love to see. We may not be a rare fandom anymore, but we are still an absofrigginlutely awesome one.

Now if only Top Gun would catch up. *grin*

I have a growing list of fandoms on a notepad by the computer, so as soon as Yuletide opens up this year, I can nominate away.

Also, dunno if anyone in my small circle is interested in Supernatural/Whoniverse crossover fic, but I'm planning to sign up over at superwho_bb. Not sure if I'm going to submit "Grace," or start from scratch with a new one. This whole SuperWho concept caught me off guard - here I thought I was almost alone in this crack crossover I'd fallen into completely by accident and minecraft. And apparently, I'm not, and I can't wait to see the Impala/TARDIS fic I saw someone sign up for.

There's also some really interesting fanvids people have made - just search superwho at youtube and see what I'm talking about.

My laptop is FIXED! Good grief, they replaced the motherboard, the video card, AND the display! As in the frigging monitor! On the plus side, it runs The Endless Forest now, which I am very very excited for, having been mostly cut off from my deer since I purchased this laptop.

Did I mention I'm posting from it right now? I'm posting from it right now.

I am so happy to have all my Castiel wallpapers back. And my RP notes. And my graphics. And Photoshop. And Minecraft. Yeeeeeeeee!

For linkspam - go visit cakewrecks.com. Although I will warn you that some of these cakes can be very disturbing, on the whole they're hilarious. I am completely untrained and I could do a better job with these cakes than the people who're supposedly trained to decorate.

Ao3 bookmarks are cool. I know I'm not the only person who knows this, I'm sure everyone does, because my favorite thing to do after checking through the stories of someone who commented on my stuff and/or left a kudo, is to go through their bookmarks and see what they like.

The problem with Ao3 bookmarks? They're underutilized! At least in my opinion!

They give me that little space to write a paragraph about what I love about the story, I am totally gonna do it. I love that I can bookmark a story for later, and then go back and edit the bookmark to include some actual content when I have a minute. I bookmark things as much to get other people to maybe read them as to be able to find them later, plus I had a blast during my brief stint as a movie review writer for a friend's local news blog.

I strive never to be spoilery, either about the story or about canon, but to try and write something magnetic enough to convince someone - maybe even someone outside the fandom - to come in and give it a read.

Dunno, may be the marketing viewpoint that's been practically knocked into my head over the years from my job. Whatever the reason, I frakkin' love it. It's great, low-energy fun for me, especially when I'm frustrated and stuck on a story of my own and need a break.

In less happy news - my new computer is currently in the repair shop, and has been thus since Monday. ARGH. PRAYING I get a phonecall from them soon, or else I'm going to be calling them Monday. I mean, I have a backup, but I have not been able to do much of anything other than work on stories and surf the net because it's just not fast enough. Hence my blog looking funny. I'm working on a kickass Castiel/Jack Harkness header, but unfortunately, Photoshop is on the OTHER computer.

In MORE happy news - we finally know what the Head Crab was! It was an abnormal blood vessel. I had my six-week followup on Tuesday, and today I had one final test done for neurosurgery: a precautionary MRA to map the circulation in my brain and make sure everything is working okay, post-surgery. I'm actually relieved to have that done, even though they had to stick an IV in my arm. Good grief, I am so sick of IVs. But at least they had it out in less than an hour.

Got a followup appointment with the ophthalmology department in December, and then hopefully I'll be able to start driving again. This whole 'no driving because you had a seizure' business is just utter shit, let me tell you. I'm an independent critter, I hate having to ask for help and rely on other people to show up when they say they will to pick me up. On the plus side, as a means to avoid unnecessary calls for rides, I've been walking my happy ass to things a lot more. I'm in a bad location for walking to shopping centers, but I can definitely go post a letter without any help.

Heh, who wants a letter? I'd write you! I've got a blue mailbox to walk to now!

Seriously, it is.

I'm alive.

I have a plate of nonferrous surgical metal installed in my head, and I have looked down the barrel, but I'm home in my apartment and I'm not in much pain, and once I can get off the worst of these jittery meds I'm going to hit the world with as much force again as it will let me hit it.

Because I'm alive.

In September I'll be able to watch Season 7 of Supernatural. As soon as Fast Five hits the stores in DVD form I can buy it. I'll be able to go to Fast Six (or whatever they call it) when it's in theaters. I'll be able to complete this fanfic of doom that I've been working on for months, and post it where everyone can see just how insane I am for even thinking this thing. amberdark is gonna be able to finish reading me Jim Butcher's latest Harry Dresden novel, and I'll find out what happens to his apprentice Molly.

On Thursday, surgeons opened my skull to remove a mass from the left rear lobe that was bleeding and caused me to black out in my car (thankfully in park). My head's been shaved, I have a really hellacious set of sutures on the left rear side of my head, and I have bruises on my arms from a half dozen IV lines. And I can't tell you how grateful I am to be able to look at them, and know they're going to go away, and my hair will grow back, and those stitches will come out in three weeks. And I can read. The medications are finally lessened enough that the words on the page are steady and I can both type and read.

I am going to blog in detail about a lot of the things that happened last week, just because I don't want to forget them. But I'm home in my apartment, and if I have anything to say about it, I will be absolutely fine.

Look out world.

You guys, everyone who commented here, everyone who gave me a thought? You rule. I can't even begin to find the words to say how much I noticed and appreciate and care, but hopefully as, you know, day three and four and five and six keeps passing and I'm still frigging here, oh my good grief yes still here, I'll find some better ones to let you know.